John Boyle, Earl of Cork

History of the Pumpkin Family

In The World: A Periodical Paper, No. 68, April 18, 1754. Reprinted in Vol. 24 of The British Essayists. Ed. James Ferguson. J. Richardson & Co., 1823.

Truncheon, a deep-sighted man, chose Primrose-hill for the field of battle, and swords for the weapons of defence. To avoid suspicion, and to prevent discovery, they were to walk together from Piccadilly, where we then lived, to the summit of Primrose-hill. Truncheon's scheme took effect. Mr. Muzzy was much fatigued and out of breath with the walk. However, he drew his sword; and, as he assured me himself, began to attack his cousin Truncheon with a valour which must have charmed my grandfather, had he been present.

Mary Muzzy is recounting some 'anecdotes of my family,' this one concerning her husband, who was 'very fat and extremely lethargic...Having received many taunts and reproaches from my grandfather...he resolved to challenge his own cousin-german by the mother's side, Brigadier Truncheon.'

The brigadier went back; Mr. Muzzy pursued; but not having his adversary's alacrity, he stopped a little to take breath. He stopped, alas, too long!: his lethargy came on with more than ordinary violence: he first dozed, as he stood upon his legs, and then beginning to nod forwards, dropped by degrees upon his face in a most profound sleep. Truncheon, base man! took this opportunity to wound my husband as he lay snoring on the ground; and he had the cunning to direct his stab in such a manner as to make it supposed that Mr. Muzzy had fled, and in his flight had received a wound in the most ignominious part of his body. Mr. Muzzy, wounded as he was (the blood trickling from him in great abundance), might probably have slept upon that spot for many hours, had he not been awakened by the cruel bites of a mastiff.